It might be days, weeks, months, or even years after breaking up with your ex that you realize you regret it. Maybe you’ve been on several unsuccessful dates and find yourself missing the person you used to be with. Or you thought the relationship wasn’t right for you but realize it was.
Breakup regret, dumper’s remorse, or impulsive breakup regret is very common. It often happens when we break up with people before thinking things through thoroughly. Sometimes we may even regret breaking up with someone even when we know it was the right thing to do.
Regretting your breakup can be hard to process. We’re here to help you decide how to move forward when you feel remorse after you’ve dumped someone.
What to Do When You Regret Breaking Up With Them
Here are five simple steps to follow when you regret breaking up with your ex. This easy process can help you identify if your feelings of regret are legitimate or if you’re just feeling lonely. Use this guide to help you make the best move forward.
1. Remember Why You Broke Up With Them
It’s not uncommon to regret breaking up with someone after some time has passed. Maybe you didn’t realize how good you had it until they were gone, or perhaps you underestimated how difficult being single could be. Whatever the reason, it’s important to take a step back and assess why you decided to break up in the first place.
Otherwise, you might find yourself making the same mistake twice. By identifying the reasons why the relationship ended, you can decide if getting back together is truly what you want or if you’re just romanticizing things in your head. If it was simply a case of mismatched expectations or poor timing, then getting back together could be a viable option. However, if there were more serious issues like cheating, then it’s probably best to move on.
Ultimately, only you can decide what’s best for you, but taking the time to reflect on why things didn’t work out can help to make the decision a little bit easier.
2. Think About What Would Need to Be Different
Chances are that there were some issues in the relationship that caused you to end things. If you’re considering getting back together, then it’s important to think about what would need to be different this time around. Otherwise, you’ll just end up in the same situation further down the line.
For example, if communication was an issue before, then you’d both have to be willing to work on that this time around. For this step, you’ll need to think of all the issues you had in your past relationship with your ex and figure out what would need to be different. If you can realistically expect these things to get better, then you might have a shot at a healthy relationship.
3. Write a Pro and Con List About Your Ex
It’s easy to idealize someone when we have been away from them for a while. This is a big reason people wonder if they should get back together with their exes. While some relationships are worth revisiting, sometimes they aren’t.
By making a pro and con list about your ex, you can critically think about what you like and don’t like about them. Once you’re finished, you’ll have a visual representation that can help you decide if they are worth returning to.
If the pros outweigh the cons, it may be worth a conversation with them about trying things out again. If there are a lot of cons or big things in your cons list, then you might feel more confident about your initial decision.
4. Figure Out If Want to Get Back Together
After you’ve revisited the issues in your old relationship and your feelings about your ex, you need to decide whether you really want to get back together with them. Are you just feeling lonely? Or do you truly miss your ex and feel like breaking up was a mistake? Can it be different this time?
This should be a critical step in your thinking process. If you aren’t sure that breaking up was a mistake, you might want to hold off on any communication with your ex. If you’re making another rash decision, you could be wasting your time and potentially hurting your ex by putting them through another breakup. But, if you’re sure things can be different, then you can go ahead and reach out to them.
5. Contact Your Ex
Okay, so you’ve determined that you really do miss your ex and that there is the potential for a new viable relationship between the two of you. So, your only choices going forward are to either bottle up your feelings and get over them or go tell them how you feel.
If you want to move forward with trying to get back together, you need to get ahold of your ex and see if they are willing to talk things out with you. You can call or text them and ask if they feel comfortable meeting up and talking about things. They will either be on board with seeing you or may not want to see you because of how things ended.
Depending on how they feel about starting a relationship with you again, you can either start slowing dating again or you’ll need to move on. Make sure that you are pressuring them or forcing them into the relationship if they aren’t sure it can be different. Give them time to think about it and keep your lines of communication open while you two figure things out.
If you’re feeling like breaking up with your ex was a mistake, you aren’t alone. A lot of people find that they acted impulsively and threw away a perfectly good relationship. If you follow the steps above, you should be able to determine if it’s worth pursuing another relationship with your ex and how to approach them.
FAQ on Regretting Breaking Up With Your Ex
Is it normal to feel regret after breaking up?
It’s normal to have some level of regret after breaking up with someone. You might miss the person you were with or find that you acted impulsively in ending the relationship. If you are having regrets, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you made a mistake in breaking up.
Should I tell my ex I regret breaking up?
You should only let your ex know you regret breaking up with them if you want to get back together. Getting back together with an ex can be tricky and should be approached with caution. Make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons before reaching out to them.
Why do I instantly regret breaking up?
When you break up with someone, you may instantly regret it because you are in the middle of the grieving process. It will take time to get over the relationship. You could also be regretting the breakup because you acted impulsively and could have benefitted from taking a relationship break instead of ending things too soon.
What if I regret breaking up with my ex years later?
You can regret breaking up with your ex years after ending the relationship. You might see them doing well on social media and think of what could have been between you. You may have experienced several failed relationships that never compared to what the two of you had. If you really think that the relationship could be better this time, it’s worth pursuing your ex assuming they are still available and interested.
How can I avoid regretting breaking up with someone?
If you want to avoid regret after breaking up with someone, you need to think it through before ending your relationship. In another article, we discuss the differences between taking a break and breaking up. You may benefit from taking a break rather than impulsively breaking up next time.