If you find yourself wanting more from your “good” relationship, you aren’t alone. I get asked questions like “Is it okay to leave a good relationship?” and “Why do I want to leave my good relationship?” quite frequently. Just because a relationship is good, or without big issues, doesn’t mean that it’s the right one for you.
If you are looking for permission to leave your good, but not great, relationship, here it is. It’s perfectly okay to leave a good relationship. Here are some of the common reasons I see people leave relationships that aren’t bad…. they just aren’t right for them.
Ending a Perfectly Good Relationship
Being in a good, but unsatisfying, relationship is often more complicated than being in a bad one. In a bad relationship, the signs of trouble are usually obvious. However, in a good relationship, these signs can be more subtle.
Even though you may care deeply for your partner, you may still find yourself longing for something more. This can be confusing and frustrating, especially if you don’t quite know what’s missing from your current relationship. You also may not be able to tell if you’re forcing yourself to settle or just going through a rough patch.
Reasons You May Want to Leave Your Good Relationship
I created this list of reasons why you may be thinking about leaving your relationship even though things aren’t that bad. These reasons are often things that cause us to be unhappy but aren’t bad enough to make us leave a relationship immediately.
1. There is a Lack of Passion
A relationship without any passion can be dull. If you and your partner don’t share the chemistry you used to, it can make your partnership feel lifeless and empty. This is a common reason for people to want out of an otherwise good relationship.
Without passion, you may start to wonder why you are even in your relationship anymore. Doing the same day-to-day things with someone you don’t feel connected to romantically can seem pointless.
2. You’re Better Off as Friends
This goes along with a lack of passion but maybe you’ve wondered if you’re better off as friends. If you’re missing romance but you still enjoy each other’s company, work well together, and are supportive of each other, maybe you’re in a friendship rather than a relationship.
3. It’s Not Going Anywhere
Have you been in a good relationship for a while? But it seems to be stagnant? If your relationship is fine but you don’t see a future, there’s not much point in sticking around.
Things might be good the way they are, but if your partner isn’t wanting to move forward with you and you’re ready to take the next step, it might be time to leave.
4. You’re Interested in Someone Else
If you find yourself wanting to be with someone else, the kindest thing you can do is leave your current boyfriend or girlfriend. If your relationship is leaving you lusting after someone else then something important is missing.
Having a fleeting crush or finding someone else attractive is normal. However, if you’re thinking about acting on feelings for someone else even though you’re in a good relationship, the best thing for both of you is to end it.
5. You’re Headed in Different Directions
Even if you and your partner started out on the same path, life can take you in different directions. If you notice that you’re not on the same track anymore, you might want to leave the otherwise good relationship.
There’s no point in pulling each other away from your hopes and dreams when you’re going for opposite things.
For example, if your partner no longer wants kids, and you do, it’s not worth it to give that dream up just because your relationship is meeting some of your other needs.
6. Your Needs Aren’t Being Fulfilled
We all have different needs in a relationship. Some people need more attention than others, some people need more space, and some people need more excitement.
If your needs aren’t being met by your current relationship, you’ll be unhappy even if everything else is going well. This may cause you to resent your partner and want to leave the relationship.
7. You Aren’t Happy
If you’re in a relationship where you are unhappy, it doesn’t really matter if it’s a good or bad situation. If you’re thinking about taking this relationship to the next level, like moving in together or getting married, do you actually want that?
If you aren’t generally happy with your relationship now, you probably won’t be later on. This is unless there are things you and your partner can do that will solve the problem.
If you find yourself unhappy with your relationship for no particular reason, it most likely is just a bad match.
8. You’re Settling
Do you feel like something’s missing? If your partner checks some of your boxes for what your ideal partner should be, but not all of them, you might be settling.
We talked about the other signs of settling earlier and how it can affect your relationship. If you had certain qualities and ideals that you wanted in a partner and they just don’t fit the description, you may find yourself unhappy with your partner.
They might be great in every other aspect. But, if they aren’t what you were looking for, you’ll probably always be a little disappointed. It can be okay to settle if you’re willing to compromise on some things. If it’s making you unhappy enough to want to leave your relationship though, it may not be a good idea.
9. It’s Just Comfortable, Not Great
A good relationship is likely pretty comfortable. Maybe you’ve been together for a long time and you find comfort in your routine together. You know what to expect and that you can rely on your partner.
If you’re only staying in the relationship because you’re unsure what breaking up might do to your lifestyle, you aren’t going to be happy in the long run. Also, that’s pretty unfair to your partner.
Many of us find ourselves in comfortable, complacent relationships. Sometimes things can be salvaged. However, if you aren’t satisfied otherwise, this is a reason you might leave a perfectly “good” albeit unfulfilling relationship.
10. Your Partner Isn’t Right For You
Have you found yourself unable to connect and understand your partner, even though they are a great person? You might be finding that for one reason or another, your partner just isn’t right for you.
Some people just don’t fit together in a way that can produce a healthy, satisfying relationship. When your partner isn’t right, you can spend time trying to change them, change yourself, or you can save yourself time and just move on.
Should You Leave a Relationship Even If It’s Good?
Leaving a relationship because you aren’t happy can be hard to do. You’ll wonder if you’re making the right decision. What if you don’t find exactly what you’re looking for anyway? What if the relationship is just stale and needs a little extra work?
After all, the relationship you have now isn’t bad. In fact, it’s good, it can even be great sometimes. It’s just that something is missing. Even if you can’t place your finger on it.
Before you throw away your relationship, there are a lot of questions to ask yourself before you break up. Have you put effort into improving the relationship? Have you spoken to your partner about things? Are you maybe just unhappy or unsatisfied with yourself right now? Should you take a break instead of breaking up right away?
If you’ve assessed the situation and it’s truly your relationship that isn’t cutting it for you. Then, yes, it’s just fine to leave a relationship – even if it’s a good one. If you aren’t happy and satisfied, it just may not be the right relationship for you.
Just to summarize the key point here – it’s absolutely fine for you to leave a good relationship. You don’t need to come up with a good reason either.
I’ve identified ten reasons you may want to leave a good relationship. It could be anything from a lack of passion to the fact that you’re settling.
You’re likely experiencing one or more of these reasons in your relationship. If there is nothing you can do to salvage or change your situation, it probably isn’t right for you. You might also benefit from checking out this article on 5 Clear Signs Your Long-Term Relationship Is Over if you still need help making your decision.