How to Break Up With Someone With a Phone Call

If you are considering breaking up with someone, you might be considering doing it with a phone call. Let’s go over the pros and cons of breaking up with them over the phone as well as how you should go about it. By the end of this article, you should have a clear plan of how you will break up with them in the cleanest, best way possible. 

Is it Okay to Break Up With Someone Over the Phone?

We went over 5 ways to break up with someone to determine which was best. An in-person breakup is the preferred way to break up with someone in most relationship scenarios. It can be more personal and compassionate than breaking up over text or ghosting them. Breaking up with them over the phone comes in a close second to an in-person breakup.   

Ending the relationship on the phone allows you to have a conversation about it and allows you both to say what you need to say. Closure is important when breaking up and talking things through is a great way to start. 

Some relationships just don’t warrant a phone call to end things. If you’ve only been talking or have only been on one or two dates, it’s probably not worth having a whole conversation. The first few dates are meant to feel each other out and see if there is anything there. If there isn’t, you can send a polite message and let them know that it was nice getting to meet them, but you’re not interested in taking things further. 

However, if you have been seeing this person for a while, breaking up over the phone is a decent way to end things. You’ve formed a relationship and they deserve some humility and care when you’re ending things. Taking the time to have a talk about why you’re ending things with them can help them get through it a lot easier.

how to break up with them over the phone

Ending Your Relationship In Person Without Hurting Them

A lot of people ask us how to break up with someone without hurting them. The hard truth is that you can never guarantee that you won’t hurt them in the process of ending the relationship. In fact, it’s almost guaranteed that it will hurt them at least a little bit. After all, you’re telling them that you don’t want to be with them.  

However, you can go about the break up as kindly as possible to make it easier on them. Be nice about what you say to them even if you have frustrations. Obviously there are issues or things that you aren’t happy about otherwise you wouldn’t be ending it. 

Say the things you need to say but don’t personally attack them. There is no need at this stage to start pointing out all of their flaws or things you dislike. Being direct and polite is the kindest thing to do in this situation. 

Steps to End a Relationship With a Phone Call

So you’ve decided that you are going to break up with them with a call. This can be an overwhelming situation. We’ve broken the process down into easy steps for you to follow. At the end of these steps, you should have broken up with them in a kind and respectful way. 

1. Decide when to break up with them.

Timing is important in a breakup. You can’t wait around forever to end it, but you can be strategic about doing it. Consider what the other person has going on in their lives and try to do when they will have time to process afterward. 

For example, don’t break up with them the night before a big exam or meeting at work if possible. You know them best so figure out a time that will be the kindest to them. 

2. Figure out what you want to say.

You probably already have the main points in your head of why you are breaking up with them. Decide which things you need to say and which things can be left unsaid. 

If you say too little, it may make it hard for you both to have proper closure. If you say too much, it can lead to personal attacks that just aren’t necessary. You can write down the main points you want to make sure you bring up.

Figure out what is important for you to get off your chest while giving them a reason for the breakup. This might be pretty short if the relationship is new and it just isn’t a good fit. While longer relationships will take a bit more explanation. 

figure out what you'll say to them when you break up with them

3. Schedule a Time to Talk With Them

This is the time that you say “we need to talk”. You’ll need to set up a time to talk with them. If you already know when they are available and you talk on the phone a lot anyways, you can just call them rather than scheduling it with them. 


Just make sure that you know they will be by themselves and able to have a thorough conversation with you. 

4. Make the Call.

Here is the hard part. It’s time to make the call and let them know that the relationship is over. Remember to be clear about your intentions of breaking up. 

Let them know the reasons why you’re ending things in a nice way. You don’t have to point out all of their flaws at this point and make them feel bad about themselves. Be prepared to answer questions they might have and for any type of reaction to the news. 

Things You Can Say When Breaking Up With Them

When you let them know that you’re ending the relationship, it’s best to keep it short and to the point. Say what you need to say but leaving it open-ended leaves room for them to talk you out of it or get defensive. 

Be polite, let them know that it’s over, why, and that you wish them the best. The conversation can start out with something like this: 

“Thank you for taking my call. I wanted to tell you in person that I am breaking up with you. It has been really great spending time with you, but I don’t think that we are a good match long-term.”

“Hi. I wanted to talk to you about ending our relationship. The things you have done make me really unhappy and even though I love you, it just isn’t going to work.”

Breaking Up With Someone With a Call

If you are breaking up with someone via phone call, you are putting yourself out there in an intimidating situation. People are unpredictable when hurt and you never know what they will say. We hope, for your sake, that the breakup goes well and the call is easy. If it’s not, just know that it will be over soon and you did the right thing.

Just remember that this is best for the both of you. Even though it will hurt you both a bit, you both deserve to find the right people. We date people to find “the one” so it’s no surprise that a lot of relationships are going to end in breakups. 

Other Ways to Break Up With Someone

Here are some other ways to break up with someone:

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