Is it Okay to Break Up With Someone Over Text?
Breaking up with someone over text message is not always the best thing to do. It is considered rude to a lot of people. This isn’t usually the first choice in ways to break up with someone.
When you end your relationship with a text, it can come off as impersonal and cold. While the best way to break up with someone is usually to have a thoughtful conversation, there are times that you may choose to break up with a message.
3 Good Reasons to Break Up With Someone Via Text Message
1. You are worried about how they will react.
If the person you’ve been in a relationship with is unstable, erratic, or violent in any way, breaking up over text message may be best. When you feel like breaking up with someone could result in a dangerous situation, we absolutely think that avoiding doing it in person is okay.
Even if the scenario isn’t as severe as being in danger, it can still be scary to break up with someone in person. This is a very personal situation and it will be hard for them not to react emotionally.
2. There are things you need to say clearly without getting too emotional.
You may not be able to communicate clearly enough to get your point across in a respectful way. Often, when we are leaving a relationship we are angry, neglected, or hurt. This results in us not being able to remain unemotional in our communication.
Ugly things can be said in this situation. If you can’t trust yourself to be respectful, clear, and straight to the point, saying what you need to in a text might be better.
3. The thought of confrontation is keeping you from breaking up with them.
A lot of us deal with anxiety on a high level especially surrounding confrontation. If you have been avoiding a breakup because you don’t want to deal with the conflict, then it might be better to do so with a text message.
You can’t avoid the inevitable forever. So if sending a text is the only way you are going to get yourself out of the relationship, you need to go for it.
Ending Your Relationship Over Text Message Without Hurting Them
A lot of people ask us how to break up with someone without hurting them. The hard truth is that you can never guarantee that you won’t hurt them in the process of ending the relationship.
However, you can go about the break up as politely and compassionately as possible to make it easier on them. Be kind in what you say to them even if you have frustrations. Obviously there are issues or things that you aren’t happy with. Otherwise you wouldn’t be ending it.
Say the things you need to say but don’t personally attack them. There is no need at this stage to start pointing out all of their flaws or things you dislike. Being direct and polite is the kindest thing to do in this situation.
6 Steps to End a Relationship Over Text Message
So you’ve decided that you are going to break up with them over text. This can be an overwhelming situation. We’ve broken the process down into six easy steps for you to follow. At the end of these steps, you should have broken up with them in a kind, respectful way.
1. Decide when to send the message.
Timing is important in a breakup. You can’t wait around forever to send the message, but you can be strategic about doing it. Think about where your soon-to-be ex will be when they receive your message.
If you know they have something big like a test, event, or thing at work that day, it would be kinder to send the message after they have dealt with that. Try to send the text when they aren’t in the middle of something that they need to focus on.
It’s also best to give them as much warning as possible. If you had made plans together that are coming up, let them know ahead of time so you aren’t canceling on them at the last minute.
Basically, just be aware of what they have going on and try to be conscientious of them.
2. Figure out what you want to say.
You probably already have the main points in your head of why you are breaking up with them. Decide which things you need to say and which things can be left unsaid.
If you say too little, it may make it hard for you both to have proper closure. If you say too much, it can lead to personal attacks that just aren’t necessary.
Figure out what is important for you to get off your chest while giving them a reason for the breakup. This might be pretty short if the relationship is new and it just isn’t a good fit. While longer relationships will take a bit more explanation.
3. Draft your message.
We recommend drafting your message before putting it into text. This way you don’t accidentally send it while working on it. Either write it down or put it in a note app on your phone.
Your message should be clear in intent. Meaning that when they read it, they know that you are broken up. You should also include a reasoning for the breakup and a farewell at the end.
If there are any details that need to be worked out, like getting belongings back to them, you can offer a solution as well. Check out our sample messages below for ideas on how to format your message.
4. Read your message and edit where necessary.
Make sure you read over the message before you send it off. When you read through, make sure that you have said everything you want to in a clear way. You don’t want to have to send several followup messages to make sure they know what you want them to.
Make any necessary changes and repeat this process until you’re happy with what you’ve written. If you have a close friend or family member that you can trust with the message, send it to them to make sure it sounds okay.
5. Send the message.
Here’s the big moment. Send the text message.
6. Be prepared to respond and follow up.
They might respond right away or may take a while to process the ending of your relationship. Some might not even respond at all if there isn’t much for them to say back. Be prepared for any kind of response.
If they have questions or want to talk about it, it’s up to you to decide if you are okay with that. You can kindly let them know that you do not want to discuss it further if you feel uncomfortable doing so.
If you are open to discussion, that is the best option as it will allow them to get the closure they need. This might result in some unproductive back-and-forth. If that happens, you can end the discussion whenever you need to.
5 Breakup Text Messages You Can Copy, Paste, and Edit
Coming up with what to say can be difficult. So we have put together some sample text messages for you to use as examples for your own breakup message. Feel free to copy and paste any combination of these. Just make sure you edit them to your personal situation.
1. Breakup Text for a Short-Term Relationship
This type of text works if you’ve only been out on a date or two and you just weren’t into them.
“Hi, (name). It has been so nice getting to meet you. I think you are a really great person, but I don’t think we are a great match romantically. Good luck out there!”
2. Breakup Text for After They Did Something That Bothered You
This text will be applicable mostly for a short-term relationship. It’s likely that after being on several dates, just one thing like this won’t be a deal-breaker. Use this for breaking it off after they did something that you can’t tolerate like being mean to others, offending you in a big way, or doing something that was uncalled for.
“Hey. What you did the other night really bothered me. Because of this, I really don’t want to see you again.”
3. Breakup Text for Someone You Love
Text them this if you love them but it’s just not working out. You might have differences, have grown apart, etc. Be prepared for some follow-up if the relationship has gotten this far.
“(Name), I didn’t know how to tell you this in person and felt like I needed to say this in writing. I really don’t think we should see each other anymore. I love and care about you, but this relationship is not what I need in my life. I am/am not comfortable meeting up and talking about it if you need to.”
4. Breakup Text for When They Were Unfaithful
If they cheated or were unfaithful to you in any way, send them this text. It should be pretty obvious to them why you are leaving and you probably don’t want to have to follow up with them so keep it short.
“(Name), since you have been unfaithful to me, it is clear that you don’t value our relationship or my feelings. This behavior is unacceptable to me and I do not want to communicate with you again.”
5. Breakup Text for When You Have Grown Apart Romantically
This is another one for those in a longer-term relationship. If you’ve lost the romantic spark and have ended up being more like friends, this one is for you.
“Hey (Name). I’m sure that you have noticed that we have not had any romantic chemistry for a while now. I really care about you, but I think we are better as friends. I am open to remaining friends and really enjoy our time together. I understand if you need some time to process this but I am here if/when you are ready.”
Tips for Breaking Up With Someone Over Text Message
Now that you know how to break up with someone over text and have a good idea of what you’ll say, let’s go over some quick tips.
Be kind in what you say. Unless this person has done something wrong to you, they really don’t deserve for you to be unkind. Even if they have wronged you, it’s always best to be the better person.
Communication is hard through text without body language and them hearing your voice. So, you need to be very clear in your message text. If you say something like “I don’t think we should see each other” it leaves some ambiguity. Say something like “I don’t want to see you anymore” instead. You want to make it clear that the relationship is over.
Breaking Up With a Text
Breaking up with someone over text is sometimes the best way. It is a quick and effective way to break up.
We hope you feel more confident about breaking up with someone over text message now. Let us know how it goes in the comments below.